“If you don’t care, don’t say so” is my philosophy and wish (for everyone) this new year. Instead of, for example, complaining about the lame party you’re glad you weren’t invited to.
Until then (This essay is being written on December 27), this uncaring rant must be aired:
For future reference, I don’t care about what you share in your yearly Christmas missive. Flat out don’t care about the exploits of your little future Olympian, the straight A’s of your future president, your own Nobel prize-deserving volunteerism, and especially not your family’s African safari. I don’t even care that grandma turned 100 years young (ugh!) and is as spry and cute as ever.
Here’s what I suspect. As for your truly caring family or friends, you’ve no doubt already told them multiple times all about your family’s big moments … that you so impressively (and corporately) outlined and bullet-pointed … a formatting improvement over the full-page paragraphs of prior years.
As for the rest of us, your letter comes across as one obvious, heaping humblebrag. And not only the quaintly immodest content. But the pretention that your audience is so immense, or that you’re so busy, that your special news must be published. (How about a phone call or email or text — expressing your desire to better stay in touch this coming year?)
I know this commentary is rude, but jeez, I don’t care. At least in the olden days, when these epistles were purply mimeographs, you could derive some pleasure from the smell.
I don’t care what everyone says about you Stu, I think mimeograph smell is the best also.
Just the reference to mimeographs made the blog worthwhile. I have to say that just last week Colleen read the first line of a friend’s annual letter and threw it away. She is always upset when people reference “The Johnsons” and we have no idea who these people are.
Just curious, how many humblebrag letters did you receive? I got three Holidays cards and one of them shared some news, but not what I would consider bragging. Just reference to a need to move and some details about the community they’re moving to. What I’ve noticed is that Christmas cards have virtually been DESTROYED by the internet/platform economy – and it makes me sad. Another piece of “Americana” gone with the wind.
I receive 3-4 humblebrag letters annually. My mom still gets a bunch from old neighbors and very distant relatives. All filled with way too much info about illnesses and awards … and horrific grammar.
I used to get the most awesome humblebrag card every year and would read it aloud to the family the day it arrived…then one year I got a card from the husband…who announced they had got a divorce…bittersweet- glad my long time friend was released but a holiday ritual had come to an end….
I so love your sarcasm Stuart. Always hilarious and to the point!