Skip to main content


By November 22, 2022Humility, Random/Rants

What’s this, a breach of the universe’s space-time continuum? Announced by an eerily familiar screeching noise followed by a repeating dial tone. Tattered, yellowed sheets of paper, one after another, float down into the holding tray of — wait for it — a fax machine.

The document’s cover page reads “From: Future Stu“; “To: Stu“; “Subject: Amazing“). A 10-point outline on the second page is cryptically titled “Things You Should Know [or Should’ve Known].”

The text begins with this ominous quote from the Roman philosopher Seneca, an observation made more than 2,000 years ago, before Christ and certainly pre-dating fax machines:

“There will come a time when our descendants will be amazed that we did not know things that are so plain to them.”

Here are the dramatic revelations:

  1. The authenticity of literally every photo and post on social media is dubious.
  1. Reservations are required to pump gas.
  1. Candy scented gun smoke for assault rifles is attracting more youthful users.
  1. Tesla owners proudly sport MAGA stickers.
  1. The U.S. Supreme Court narrowly upholds Trump’s guilty verdict for treason; the GOP en masse claim a decade-long bout of amnesia.
  1. Taylor Swift writes her first hit song … about not getting dumped.
  1. Countries respond to food insecurity by issuing households vitamin-rich crickets and tomato plant seeds.
  1. Personal fresh-air cannisters are as familiar as bottled water.
  1. Evangelical Christian voters back “Jesus” write-in campaign; Jews counter with “Sandy Koufax.”
  1. Florida secedes from the Union and [to save the flag] is replaced by Puerto Rico.

Foreboding, dark matter, right?! Evidently, as a civilization we are either remarkably arrogant or remarkably ignorant — or both — to believe we know/knew what is best for future generations.

Hold on? A third page is coming through. Scrawled across the page, “There’s still time to get your shit together, for your descendants’ sake.” With this footnote, “More instructions will follow.” * (Scribbled on, then off the edge, this numerical sequence: “10-33-41-47-“?)

* Credit for inspiration, this classic episode from “The Office”

Leave a Reply