Trove of Lost Items Discovered

MAKE BELIEVE NEWS:

PITTSBURGH, PA – What is being called the greatest discovery of its kind may provide unique insight into an age-old archeological mystery that has forever frustrated humankind. The historic find uncovered a trove of little items dropped and inexplicably lost. The cache included buttons, coins, screws, paper clips, staples, toenail clippings and dry cereal.

“So many tiny things I’ve dropped in the past 70 years,” observed nonagenarian resident Lester Menninger. “The frustration then, just as the relief now, is indescribable.” The grateful but clearly overwhelmed homeowner now has the arduous task of sorting out which things belong to whom — besides himself; his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and possibly even residents pre-dating his occupancy in 1946 of the modest two-story home in downtown Pittsburgh.

All but to insure the story’s status as urban legend, the treasure was stumbled upon by a local termite contractor doing routine repairs to a corner of interior flooring and an adjacent staircase. Suspecting the rarity of what was exposed, he brought it to the attention of the homeowner who immediately contacted the archeology department at the state college.

Even the experienced team of archeologists who completed the excavation was awed by its significance. “What we’ve found here is the stuff of a new dimension,” astonished dig leader professor Rolf Swenson exclaimed. “The place we shall henceforth refer to as ‘Hiding in Plain Site.’”

(MBN author’s note: It is true that “Imitation is the sincerest of flattery.” Please check out my satirical inspirations, “The Onion” and “The Borowitz Report.”)